55 Prop Bets for Super Bowl LV
Just like Aristotle Onassis' whale-foreskin-stool filled yacht, this ship runs on props.
It’s all been leading up to this. The big enchilada, the holy guacamole, the big fish, the mack daddy. I am, of course, referring to Aristotle Onassis’s giant yacht with the whale foreskin stools. I am ALSO talking about the Super Bowl, which should be here any day now, according to my Google alerts. This means it’s time for my 55 props that you can bet on Super Bowl 55. I am going to pluck out my favorites (like a billionaire choosing a whale foreskin) and give you one sentence to explain why I am picking what I am picking. Hopefully, this rapid-fire approach will yield results. You can play along too! Feel free to post your picks and we can see who gets the most right. 55 is a lot, so if you don’t care, I don’t blame you, but I will still show up Monday to reveal the results, no matter how embarrassing. Let’s face it, I am in no way too ashamed to give MYSELF props if need be.
Ok, let’s get started. We will go from most, to least mundane, like moving from the Tommy Boy dinghy to the whale yacht.
Coin Toss - Tails: Tails never fails.
Color of Gatorade splashed on winning coach - Orange (+160): Orange is what was dumped on Andy Reid last year (foreshadowing).
Who will do the dumping? Offensive player (specifically offensive line) (+150). Nobody loves Andy or Bruce more than their fellow big guys.
How long will the National Anthem be? - over 1 minute and 59 seconds. It’s been a while since someone got reaaaaallly carried away here and it feels like we are due.
Will a player kneel during the national anthem ? - no (-5000). Neither of these teams have a history of this, and now that Trump is gone, the motivation for this is less.
How many songs will be played during halftime? - Under 8. With nobody really there, why go on forever, so this feels sort of unnecessary.
Who will be the last guest for The Weekend. Whatever the Hell a Doja Cat is (+300). I don’t know who this is, so they could probably use the publicity (I’m old).
Will The Weekend be seen with sunglasses on his face? Yes (-140). I wear my sunglasses at night so I can so I can…
Who will the Super Bowl MVP name first in his speech? - teammates (-120): Both Mahomes and Brady know how to keep the co-workers happy.
Will the MVP mention Disney? Nope -500 not on CBS they won’t.
Will either kicker hit a crossbar or upright on a kick. No (-500). I know it feels like this has been happening a lot, but the upright and cross bar are a very tiny fraction of that space.
What will happen first in the game, sack or touchdown? Touchdown (-150). Sack is probably the safer play, but both of these quarterbacks are savvy enough to avoid letting this happen much.
What will be mentioned first, Tom Brady’s 10th super bowl or his age (43)? 10th Super Bowl (-150) Our society is obsessed with multiples of 10 or 5, like 45 for example.
How many times will Joe Biden be mentioned: Under 1 time -290. He is incredibly boring and the Super Bowl is an entertainment product.
Will opening kickoff be a touchback? Yes. The adrenaline coursing through these kickers is going to be astronomical (so will the final location of the ball).
Which will Tony Romo mention first (Read, blitz, A-gap, penetration, trick play) - Read (+100) He is going to love discussing Tom Brady’s offseason reading list.
First offensive play - Pass (+105). Both of these teams are pass heavy, and both QBs have been to the Super Bowl so there is no need to ease them in.
First type of score: TD (-240) These teams know they need TDs here and their aggressive coaches know it too.
First team to score? Chiefs (-130). The last time these two played, the Chiefs came out and lit them up and those who let history repeat are doomed to get scored on (or something like that).
What team will score last? Buccaneers (+100) Tom Brady always seems to score last in the Super Bowl, win or lose.
More points will be scored in… 2nd Half (-110). It seems obvious to me, but one of these great offenses is going to be playing catch up.
Will there be a safety? No (-1430). Every year I guess no, and every year there is a safety.
Total touchdowns? Over 6.5. Like I said, aggressive coaches, passing offenses, lots of TDs.
Over/Under 56.5 Over. This is going to be a game we tell our great-great grand kids about, assuming for increased aging in future generations.
Team with the most rushing yards: Bucs -110. The Bucs defense is geared to eliminate the run and the Chiefs isn’t.
Longest field goal made: Under 46.5. It’s outside, and these coaches are going to avoid field goals.
Team to throw first INT. Bucs (-140). Tom Brady has had a fair amount of INTs this year, including a bunch last week.
Total sacks in game- less than 4. Both of these QBs are smart and will get rid of the ball quickly.
What will be more in game: TD (than FG) (-440). I think it is becoming clear how i feel about FGs.
Player to score the first points: Kelce 15/2. I like the Chiefs to score first, and since Tyreek Hill destroyed them in the first matchup, I expect the Bucs to focus on him, not Kelce.
Player to score the last touchdown: Rob Gronkowski 14-1. I think Brady will go where he feels comfortable with the game on the line.
Number of Tom Brady passing TDs 2 (2-1). I think Fournette and Jones will get goal line work and Brady himself might get a sneak.
Number of Mahomes TDs 4 10-2. I think Mahomes throws a ton, and gets rewarded.
First accepted penalty of the game: off or def holding. 11-4. Both of these teams have fast players you need to hold.
Will Patrick Mahomes throw an INT: no -120. Outside of the Dolphins game, he has barely a handful this year in almost 20 games.
Will Rob Gronkowski have a TD: yes +175. The odds say no, but I think there is at least a 69 percent chance of this happening.
What will be more, Steph Curry points or Bucs points. Curry. This is from way out in left field, but I don’t like the Mavs defense of late, and I think Curry is feeling it.
Receptions Travis Kelce - over 8.5. The Bucs dropped to two men deep after the first half of their first matchup, and Kelce will benefit from that arrangement, as neither linebackers or CBs can match up with him.
Will Darrell Williams get a TD: +130. A longshot I like because Helaire hasn’t been good on the goal line, and I don’t think Mahomes will run much.
Rushing attempts Clyde Edwards-Helaire - less than 10.5. They aren’t putting the ball in the hands of a rookie 11 times in the Super Bowl on the ground.
Yards of longest pass for Mahomes: under 45.5. As noted, after giving up 200 yards to Tyreek Hill in 1 quarter, the Bucs moved to two high safeties, meaning this will be tough to do.
Rushing attempts Leonard Fournette: 10.5 over. Playoff Lenny is here, and he is their best bet for moving the ball on the ground and I think they will use it.
Receptions for Chris Godwin: over 5.5. The Chiefs are great at taking away outside receivers so this leaves a lot of work for the slot guy.
Receptions for Antonio Brown - under 4. Karma
Will Mike Evans score a TD - no. As I just noted, this is not a good game for him to put up big numbers.
Longest QB rush: less than 13.5 (-110). I don’t see either QB running much in this one.
Total punts in the game: Less than 6.5 (-140). These coaches will be very comfortable going for it.
Largest lead: over 14.5 -110. Whether he comes back or not, Tom Brady seems to like to start slow.
Score from quarter 1: Chiefs 7-Bucs 7
Score from quarter 2: Chiefs 14-Bucs 13
Score from quarter 3: Chiefs 28- Bucs 13
Final score: Chiefs 38 Bucs 20 I will write a column later about why this is.
MVP: Mahomes 120: Sometimes the obvious call is correct.
Last play of game will be a QB rush: Yes -155 (I think the Chiefs win big).
Final score total: Even (not odd) get out of here with your oddities.
Going to empty my penny jar make some bets!!!!