The Destruction of the Undertaker's Farewell
Did you see that hot garbage? I mean, come on. The WWF decided to give him a send-off that rivals Glenn Davis’s time in a Baltimore Oriole uniform.
Taker is a legend in this sport. There will never be anyone else like him. Ever. He was born in the era of the gimmick and managed to evolve his character to stay on top when Attitude became the flavor of the day. He survived hokey angles and wrestling partners (see Giant Gonzalez). He mastered ring psychology. He became an entity unto himself outside of the business.
During the sunset of his career, he managed to become an attraction at Wrestlemania. If you had a Mount Rushmore of WWF, Taker should absolutely be on that (Along with Hogan, Austin, and Macho Man).
His matches against Foley and Michaels are legendary. Seriously. And discount his matches against Austin, Lesnar, Terra Ryzing, and Kane. Do yourself a favor and watch them.
He helped WWF stay afloat when nWo was running rampant.
The dude is a phenom in wrestling.
And this was the steaming pile we get.
Let me break it down for you in three acts.
Act 1 – The Gathering: We start the festivities with a WWE staple: a bunch of legends walk down to the ring. Then there was Godfather, Vega, and the Godwins. Whatever. They were close to Taker.
I endured about 15 minutes of ring entrances. Maybe 12 in total. Maybe more. I lost count.
So they all hugged and clapped. Stood around in a semi-circle that gave the impression that they were about to greet Taker. Then we switch to a Taker retrospective that highlights all of the times he obliterated everyone who is about to greet him.
After the retrospective what do we get? All the wrestlers are gone? What? Where’d they go? Catering? Did Taker vaporize them? They just disappeared like a fart in the wind. What was the point of that?
Which leads us to…
Act 2 – Vince McMahon’s Magical Eyebrows: The wrestlers are replaced by a teary-eyed VKM, who will then proceed to introduce the Taker. But I didn’t pay attention to a word he was saying. Why? I was hypnotized by VKM’s wonderous eyebrows.
They’ve completely taken on a different shape.
Then we move to the last act of this play.
Act 3: Taker walks to the ring in front of a TV screens. The “magic” of the Thunderdome completely takes away from Taker’s goodbye. Taker’s full-throated goodbye, while he’s looking towards the “audience”, feels as forced as a child choking down the corn on top of his Thanksgiving mashed potatoes. It was so misplaced. So disappointing.
The coolest part was Paul Bearer’s hologram.
Then he walks to the back where he’ll likely enjoy catering with the fellas he vaporized in Act 1.
That was it! Holy cow for a dude who gave so much to the business the best you can do is that? Why couldn’t we have waited for the hysteria behind the Rona to go away so we can get back to the energy of live crowds? Taker should’ve been able to feed off of a live crowd. But this? Not this. Not in an empty arena. Not without the crowd in awe.
For something so hyped this felt like a WCW circa 2000 grand reveal.
Do yourself a favor and get the free month of WWE Network. Watch the Undertaker stuff they’ve been hyping all week. That’s the proper send-off.