Perhaps you have heard, Aunt Jemima is going away. Its link to slavery proved too much for its corporate overlord, so they have decided to go with a re-brand. A lot of products are taking a hard look at both themselves and their branding right now to see if they should stand pat in the face of changing views. I would like to help. I have decided to offer my assistance with some food product and restaurant re-branding to help them better embrace their roots and their reality. Let’s face it, in these changing times, we could all afford to be a little more honest and represent ourselves in a better way. Let’s start at the source:
Aunt Jemima: new name/image, new slogan
New name/image: Your Parents, picture of generic (ethnically ambiguous) parents pointing at you
Old slogan: I didn’t find one and that’s probably for the best.
New slogan: “Why do you keep spending money on real maple syrup? You should be investing that.”
Dominos: slogan change
Old slogan: “It’s what we do”
New slogan: “Close enough to real pizza that you won’t really care”
Pizza Hut: Name and slogan change
New name: Pizza
Old slogan: “No one outpizza’s the hut” (not kidding)
New slogan: “So your town doesn’t have a pizza place”
McDonalds: Slogan change
Old slogan: “I’m lovin’ it”
New slogan: “We just made happy meals healthier, now what do you people want”
Burger King: Name and Slogan change
New name: Burger Concierge
Old slogan: “Have it your way”
New slogan: “We have fake meat and we are proud of it I guess”
Subway: Name and slogan change
New name: Food Location
Old slogan: “Eat Fresh”
New slogan: “Meat product in bread product makes food”
Dunkin Donuts: new name and slogan
New Name: Dunkin Stuff
Old Slogan: America Runs on Dunkin
New slogan: “Bland Coffee is just the beginning”
Starbucks: New name and slogan
New name: Bucks
Old slogan: None
New slogan: “Bucks… you bring em, we keep em.”
Tim Hortons: slogan change
Old slogan: Always fresh
New slogan: “We come from a land down under… the Arctic Circle”
Lays: New name and slogan
New name: Seether ft. Amy Lee
Old slogan: Bet you can’t eat just one
New slogan: “‘Cause I’m broken, when I’m opened. And I don’t feel like I’m packaged well enough”
Coca-Cola: New name, new slogan
New name: Caff-Cola
Old slogan: “Taste the Feeling” (but how though)
New slogan: “Cocaine Free since 1903”
Betty Crocker: New slogan
Old slogan: “add an egg”
New slogan: Oh God, were next. Please, look at Uncle Ben. Leave us alone”
Cheerios: New Slogan
Old Slogan: Something about heart health I guess
New Slogan: “If you like it then you better put a ring on it.”
Pillsbury: Same name, slogan and mascot
New approach: Stop touching the mascot without consent.
The Times They Are A-changin'
Lays and Subway slayed me. Well done.
How about Kentucky Fried Chicken? Old slogan Finger Licking Good, new slogan Eat with Gloves and Mask Only.