Here we go. Last week of the season, but this ain’t the last week of Mystery Box. We are gonna keep this going. The Box has proven to be popular. Still working out exactly what I want the segments to be, but y’all have loved the Q and A part. If you aren’t on twitter but want to leave questions for next week, you can leave them in the comments and I will pick them up for next week. Without further ado, let’s take a look at the week that you should not have included in your fantasy football championship.
Listicle of the Week: My top 7 NFL uniforms and why
Some quick rules: I am only going to count regular uniforms worn this year. I am just focusing on ONE variation. I am not going to compare a team’s 17 possible combinations versus another teams 24.
San D… Los Angeles Chargers
Nothing will ever beat the baby blue with white pants for me. So clean, so bright, so fire. Using three colors very effectively. I love the old school numbers on the helmet. I love the sock color combo. The lightning bolt throughout that symbolizes speed. The font for the numbers feels right, sharp and aggressive. Solid bi-color sock game.
Atlanta Falcons
I do not care for the color fade uniforms that make up the bulk of the Falcons uniform usage, but these alternates/throwbacks are incredible. First, I love the matte Falcon helmet using the original falcon logo with its triangular shapes that evoke the kind of badassery that we haven’t actually seen from the Falcons since the dirty birds. This uses the black, white, red combo that is one of the best available color combinations, they make a dark, dangerous looking jersey with a classic number font. Using the red as an outline highlights the white numbers giving me my preferred three dimensional feel. The sock game is incredible as well.
Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins regular uniforms are nothing to write home about, but their throwbacks with teal instead of aqua are dynamite. I especially like the full white one that looks so clean and absolutely pops the numbers/stripes and pant stripes. The socks are fantastic with the three color alternation. The only problem with the throwbacks is the helmet where the Dolphin on the helmet has a helmet. That’s weird. The colors are fantastic and unusual for sports. I like unique color combos.
Chicago Bears
The Bears base home uniform is my favorite base uniform. It uses three colors in an elite way. First, the C logo is classic, simple and iconic. Second, the use of orange to give a third dimension to the numbers helps them pop. The classic shoulder stripes look good, as do the sock stripes to link the while sections. This is the best sock usage of any uniform. The color combination is good, navy, orange and white. The number font is stark and powerful.
Pittsburgh Steelers
I really like the Steelers basic home uniform. Another “black” jersey, this one makes great use of the “Black and Yellow” that the Steelers identify with, without going too far (also, their city wide use of this color palette is inspirational). The white numbers and stripe on the shoulder break things up a little. The famous one sided logo on the helmet remains unique and cool. My only complaints are the lack of wrap color for the numbers (but black and white is pretty easily broken up) and the simple socks. I think they could do more there.
Seattle Seahawks
Likely to be a controversial selection, I really love the adventurousness of these. These stand out in a way no other uniform does. The “action green” is an explosive highlighter color, that counterbalances the formerly boring navy/gray uniform in just the right places. It’s not overwhelming because it is used judiciously. There are some cool details too, like the stripe pattern on the pants. Not much going on with the socks here, which I wish weren’t just an extension of the pants color.
Dallas Cowboys
Tough battle here with the Bengals and 49ers for the last spot. The Cowboys home whites are fascinating to me for a number of reasons. First, the blues don’t totally match up. The blue on the helmet, the blue on the jersey, and the blue in the pants are all different. In spite of this madness, however, it looks great still! The story behind the pants color is interesting. The Cowboys iconic look combines really nice number font, solid striping patterns, a killer star logo and blue and white sock combo that looks very sharp. There is a quirkiness to these that you don’t really see anymore in the laboratory/test-subjected world of professional design.
Best Quote of the Week: Player’s coach Joe Judge
Towards the end of this clip, Joe let’s us all know that former Giants (that were paid more elsewhere this season) have been calling him “twice a week” wishing they could come back to the 4-12 Giants. Tragically, he does not reveal the names of these confused players. Bill Barnwell broke down just exactly who these mystery men might be, and spoiler alert, it’s not Ben Stiller. It’s probably no one. I am also curious about how Joe Judge spends his time since he is fielding calls from former players twice a week on the regular apparently.
Streaming Recommendation of the Week: Betty White stuff
Just like you, I was sad about the loss of comedy icon Betty White. Betty was always funny when she appeared on my favorite shows and movies, and never failed to carry her own shows when given the chance. Betty lasted 80 years in an industry that chews people up like people chewing Charleston Chew. If you have 45 minutes, enjoy this hysterical SNL episode starring Betty White. It features some of the absolute best stars of SNL from the past 20 years as well. A great episode.
Worst Bets For The Week: Because I like them
Last Week: 2-1
Over/Under: Kansas City Chiefs vs. Denver Broncos Under 45
The Chiefs do need this one to lock up home field advantage, but the weather isn’t going to be ideal. A wintery mix is coming Saturday. The Chiefs have major offensive line issues, and the Broncos defense has been good at home. Finally, the Broncos offense straight up sucks and will not add much to the final total.
Spread Pick: Indianapolis Colts vs. Jacksonville Jaguars -15.5
They cannot possibly make this spread large enough. First. Jacksonville has been ATROCIOUS since firing Urban Meyer. Any bump they thought they were getting, didn’t happen. Second, this Jacksonville team has checked out. Giving up 50 to the Pats is proof. Third, the Colts have the ability to simply never stop running. They will run 85 times in this game if they need to, for 5 yards a carry at least. Fourth, the Colts absolutely MUST win to get in. So they are not going to back off.
Money Line Upset: Miami Dolphins +230
This one is just as much about the Patriots as the Dolphins. While the Patriots DO still have things to play for, like the division title and a home playoff game, those things aren’t going to happen because the Bills are playing the Jets at home, and the Patriots know that. I could see a situation where the Bills get up quick in their game, and the Pats rest players in the second half. Meanwhile, the Dolphins were humiliated last week. With nothing at stake, I think the Dolphins bounce back, because they play their best with nothing at stake.
My Own Tweet of the Week: The NFL’s disgrace at Gijon moment
OK, let’s be clear, this isn’t going to happen. The Jaguars suck and will lose by a million. But… what if it DOES happen. There is no way the NFL would allow teams to actually perform a disgrace of Gijon game. There would be massive punishments. But what if the Jaguars do beat the Colts? What if a matchup between teams with even records and a history of mediocrity actually does go to overtime. EVERY SINGLE THING THAT HAPPENS IN THAT OT WOULD BE SCRUTINIZED DOWN TO A MILIMETER. The NFL cannot open themselves up to this. This is foolishness just to try and boost the ratings for a corporate TV partner by moving it to Sunday night. No game that is reliant on outside forces for it’s viability can be allowed to kick off at a different time. This is a totally unnecessary risk to competitive integrity for profit and I DEEPLY hope it comes back to bite them in the ass.
Most Important Game Of The Week: Chargers vs. Raiders
In the battle for the soul of LA (Non-Rams division), the Raiders and Chargers meet up in… Las Vegas. LA’s third most popular team, the Chargers, are currently the favorite over LA’s second most popular team, the Raiders. This is a win and in scenario unless the Jaguars win, so it is very likely that this game is going to be of supreme importance. I really want the Raiders to win, just so we can get a 30 for 30 on this season which has included several DUI’s, murder, email related coach firings and so very many sad Derek Carr press conferences. Somehow, through all of this, the Raiders are still going. Why not one more week? What’s the worst that could happen?
The Game That Is On In Hell This Week: Washington Groundhogs vs. New York Giants
This week’s game features two of the marquee football teams in the NFL. And two of the worst. I have documented ad nauseum all of the failings of the WFT/WTF this season. We had a new addition to canon this week when a stadium railing gave way, nearly injuring a player, and then was resolved with zip ties. Of course, they also announced they are revealing their secret new team name on 2/2/22 and given the famous history of the Washington Hogs this riddle has already solved itself. Washington Groundhogs it is. Or one of these. Meanwhile, the Joe Judge story above was just a SMALL SNIPPET of a 10 minute interview that was crazier than Adam Gase’s interview eyes. The Giants have gotten killed the last three weeks, but Joe is confident that the team hasn’t made their plans for Zihuataneho yet. I think this game will prove him wrong. #FREEANDY (Thomas).
Q and A section: As usual, real questions from real readers, unless they aren’t.
Don't the football gods owe me something after the last five weeks of Ravens football? @BrianGriffiths
No. The Ravens have been one of the most successful franchises in the NFL for the past 20 years. You will be fine.
As a football player (not as a human being), does Ben Roethlisberger get his due? also @BrianGriffiths
Ben Roethlisberger is one of the most unlikable people in the NFL in my lifetime. I have never heard a story of how he was secretly kind to someone or is friendly behind closed doors (and I have heard plenty of the opposite). And let’s not even get into the sexual assault allegations. If I strip that all away, however, I am left with this. Ben won a Super Bowl twice, in 2005 and 2008. He owns basically all of the Steelers passing records. His career per game statistics mostly see him around the 10th best QB all time. Obviously, this era has seen an explosion of passing growth, so that is worth factoring in, but he is still probably top 25 statistically, and one of the few multiple Super Bowl winning QBs. Does he get his due? I think a lot of people begrudge him his status as an all time great because they don’t like him. I think if people were forced to reckon with just his football legacy, they would be reasonable, but these sorts of things just don’t happen in a vacuum. He is going to have to live with that.
Cake or Pie? @keysfins
Cake. I really like any cake that has that cream cheese frosting, like carrot cake, red velvet cake, or pumpkin roll (pretty much a cake). When made properly, with good density, moistness, and the right flavors, it’s tough for me to top a good piece of cake with pie. I do love pie too though, because I am a fat guy.
What is the most meaningless statistic that is nonetheless talked about by talking heads endlessly? What stat should be spoken about more but isn't? @mbernadetteE
The stat that is most overblown but is still in use is the “Rush yards lead to winning” stats, that were obviously discredited years ago by people who figured out that when teams have a lead they run more. Yet it will still get trotted out by every former coach on any network to explain why a team that likes to pass is losing. Let it die. My favorite stat that is starting to become popular is YPA or Yards Per Attempt. I feel like it is a good way to summarize a quarterback’s throwing effectiveness. It punishes super accurate QBs who throw for 2 yards per completion like Ben Roethlisberger or Jared Goff, but also punishes big game hunters who throw deep, but miss their targets, like Daniel Jones or Josh Allen (this year). It rewards accuracy down the field, the key piece of any good offense. It’s not flawless (some QBs benefit from WRs who get a lot of YAC to boost this, and it doesn’t include turnovers ), but I find it interesting.
I asked before but it is worth a second try... Do you really have a statue of Father Keanu on your dash board? - @skip727
No. I do have a Father Keanu blanket though. And he is holding a widdle puppy.
Ok ,You’re 10yrs old , you just got a pack of upper deck football cards. What are you hoping is in the pack? (For example in 1992 I was 10, so I was hoping for anything dolphins, Barry Sanders, Steven Atwater, etc.) -@dustfin13
I LOVE this question and it is my favorite question of the week. I was a prepubescent card collector and I would have been VERY excited to open a pack from Upper Deck, my favorite card company. I had a very large helping of Dan Marino cards, including the 1991 Upper Deck Dan Marino! The 1991 Mark Clayton was also superb, and a rare landscape photo card. Eventually, my favorite card from 1991 was the Topps Stadium Club Brett Farve rookie card my grandfather gave to me. It will always be a special memory of him. Some other favorites would be Barry Sanders, Joe Montana, Jerry Rice, Deion Sanders, Bo Jackson, Ickey Woods, and literally any special card like a Game Breaker Hologram card. I was 10 and had no discriminating taste.
Why don’t we have a NFL sponsored G-League like the NBA? They could play in a bubble in Vegas and the winner and second can qualify directly to the playoffs so we can have 8 teams o something crazy like that. Or they can move players up and down, making practice squads play… @miamimvd
The simplest answer is that colleges do this for them for free. Basketball players stay for one (and increasingly 0) years in college, providing most of them very little time to prepare for the pro game. In the NFL, players have to wait three years at least. Most of them are fully formed. Basketball is also a lot cheaper for a lot of reasons. Football leagues keep failing because they are really expensive to run. Practice squads allow teams to basically do this without having to pay for all the things that are so expensive about starting a new league. Like everything with the NFL, it is about money.
Should there be a move to create parity in college football? @inventive_not
Nah. I think college football is fine the way it is. The biggest schools get the biggest recruits, and we get to watch them play each other eventually. I feel confident saying people want to see the best go head to head. Spreading the best players out would probably just water down the competition and make it less interesting. I think NIL spending is going to balance things a little on it’s own, too. We now see the transfer portal being used like free agency (which I love). Some players will go where they will get paid. Some will go where they can be developed. Some will just go close to home. Boosters can’t pay for everyone, so good players will be spread out more. Hell, Deion Sanders just signed the top recruit to JACKSON STATE. I think more parity is coming.
Who is the NFLs Anti-Antonio Brown? I.e. who have teams given up on too soon, instead of giving too many chances too? -My former intern Nate
I think it’s… Tom Brady lol. The man who cajoled Brown into his most recent chance. So many people have conjectured that Brady was done, including Bill Belichick, who cut him loose, only to see him win a Super Bowl. If it’s not Brady, I’d like to offer Charles Harris of the Lions. The Dolphins drafted him in the first round in 2017. A pass rushing specialist, he went before TJ Watt. The Dolphins held him for three very uninspiring years then released him. He was given a fresh chance by the Lions this year and has had a fantastic year with 7.5 sacks.
That’s it! Have a great weekend and enjoy the games.